euhgh

I really need better friends. It says a lot how I can't talk to anyone about the string of traumatic incidents in the last 16 months, and have to actively pretend they didn't happen around people who knew my ex. I feel unsafe talking about personal things around people I thought were my friends because they'll use it against it me or read me in bad faith. If anything bad happens to me, absolutely no one will have my back.

I just really don't know how to find better friends. I haven't used Discord in a while but a DM I sent expressing discomfort over sharing a GC was left unanswered. Just like I expected. How do you even find people who are mutually interested in what you make, what you have to say, your personal life, etc. Feels like friends nowadays are just people you send memes to, or sounding boards.

There are entire albums, former passions, and hobbies I can't touch anymore because it reminds me of how fucking cruel my ex was to me by dumping me to the curb and refusing to contact me "until I get better". Trying to date diagnosed sociopaths: Not even once.

aikoto

I have been on a Ryoji kick lately (especially bc this artist, aren't her Ryojis the cutest thing???), but for the past week I couldn't stop thinking about how kind he is and it makes me cryyyyy.

I have been re-watching P3WM (Sakuya ver. as I only watched that one once + it's being subbed) and I can't get over how adorable all his mannerisms are, and those sweet scenes with Ken... He is all Yipee Yipee Yayyy with everyone and is so excited about the world, I love to see it 😭😭😭😭

I'm sad the game itself doesn't show Ryoji to that extent, but I'm glad adaptations and side media flesh him out more. He is just so kind and wants the best for everyone!!! He doesn't want to be Death!!! It breaks my heart...
Sometimes I wonder if Ryoji and Aigis are jealous of eachother in a way. Ryoji of Aigis due to her being able to live a normal live with everyone + her purpose being to protect, and Aigis of Ryoji due to him having a fully human body + his intimacy with Kitaro.

Of course, I don't think it's a "bad" jealously, but like... yeah. I wish non-amnesic Ryoji had been around for longer, I want the 3 of them to sit on plastic chairs outside and have loooong talks.
He most likely did so to not influence the December 31th decission, but why did he had to hide himself and spend those months all alone? 😭💔 Ryoji deserved to hang out with everyone even if they knew his nature, in fact it's during these moments when he needs love the most...

I have always loved how he and Aigis are the only ones who share the same opinion during Dec 31 (I don't think it happens on the game though? Been a hot second).... They're great foils, I like when there's simiarities... They share that as non-humans, they want the best for their loved ones so sacrificing Ryoji (and Aigis, in a way) seems the most logical solution, so the good/correct one to them.

I knew that, but today I noticed... Kitaro, Aigis and Ryoji... All 3 of them share a "self-sacrifice as kindness" mindset, don't they?
- Ryoji wanted Kitaro/SEES to kill him so they wouldn't have to suffer during the Fall/fight Nyx
- Aigis wanted to be desactivated forever to not hurt anyone again, and also was ok with everyone forgetting about her if that meant they could live in bliss until the Fall.
- And Kitaro... Well, we all know what happened in January.

They're destructive, but all of it is born out of love for everyone. It might be a bit selfish, but at the same time it's completely selfishless. All of their actions and thoughts are completely made thinking of everyone's welfare, it's just that they take it to a point that they stop thinking about their own worth.
"One life less but millions saved, so it's ok" "If that means they will continue living, it's ok if they're sad for a bit". Actually, I don't think they even consider the possibility that others could be sad due to their passing...

Going back to Ryoji, as every media has said over and over again, Ryoji is who he is thanks to Kitaro and that always makes me emotional 🥹
He who takes care of stray animals and flowers, who makes sure a tree is healthy because it means a lot to an eldery couple, who listens to everyone, who plays with a little kid so she forgets all her troubbles at home... Of course the person born out of someone like that is full of love, wonder and kindness towards the wordl and everything that inhabits it.

Aigis too, I love the softness Kitaro treats her with. Teaching her to love herself, showing her she has worth... Ryoji and Aigis live(d) how they are currently thanks to how much Kitaro cares about others.
I don't get how people can say Kitaro is emotionless or has no personality, have they read more than 2 lines in the game? Have they not seen his reflection? (or do they see Ryoji as just a flirt?). I wish people took more han a single second to think about the story/character....!

I swear most of this fandom is just a telephone game where people stop interacting with canon and shape their views about the characters around memes/fanon interpretatiosn, which are also based on another fanon, which was originally from someone who didn't even play the game.

Completely unrelated to the post, but GSC showed the colored version of their P35D scales and I'm 💥💥💥
I'm too weak to happy Kitaro oughhh I'm on my knees.... I wasn't particulary interested on it before, but now I think I'm gonna get this instead of the Limepie (ToT)

shamanicshaymin

God, I actually got a weird Sonic dream recently. It was about Espio and Valdez from the Archie Comics. Which in turn reminds me of a fanfic I'd been wanting to write (surprisingly not slash)

Based off what little bits I know from Archie, Valdez was a blue recolor of Espio made by Ken Penders. On paper, Espio has an intriguing backstory; he and Valdez were friends, only for Valdez to be roboticized and brainwashed to believe that Espio, Sonic, and the others abandoned him. Espio is forced to mercy-kill him. The way it's actually written? Barely a footnote and executed in the worst way possible. Roboticized!Valdez even unironically used "PC" in his dialogue as an insult. Espio never talks about the incident and seems unaffected by it, and it turns out Valdez is alive and unroboticized hidden in the crowd of one of Mina Mongoose's concerts. So that tragedy meant absolutely nothing! 🤪

So I'm wondering about SEGA!Espio's past and how my version would basically be similar to Archie!Espio's past but actually better written and given some fucking weight. Valdez gets a whole new redesign. Instead of being Blue Espio, he's going to have much more individual characteristics and have scars, including one across his eye. Now get ready, 'cause this is probably going to be cliche and troperific. But hey, might as well go all out.

( Puri's version of Espio & Valdez )

And there you go, that's my version of Espio's gut-wrenching backstory with Valdez. One day I'm going to have to write this all down, but alas, today is not that day.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Tori Amos - Winter

paperghost

[for context, I started getting into making Littlest Pet Shop customs after the con last one. I'm 80% done with one and just started on a second.]

not to be shrill but i HATE how most toys are blind boxes (etc) now. this is probably one of the worst times to be a kid lol, not only are parents stupid and have youtube raise them, everything is expensive, but so many toys are basically glorified gambling. kids toys, fyi, not adult collectibles like tokidoki or labubu (i still hate that ugly shit…)

blah blah i know that blind bags and booster packs always existed. but it wasn’t the main form toys were sold. it wasn’t even this bad a decade ago, the mlp blind bags were fun because it was a side thing. after work i decided to see what LPS were in stock, and they were ALL blind boxes. i used to be into those zuru unicorn squad toys because my old job discounted them, but as soon as i got my favorite character i stopped and donated all my other ones to goodwill. but i kind of forget it existed until now because it was a short lived phase and there’s stupid ass axolotls and mini brands now.

this shit is just wasting money, gambling, and encourages scalping. and shoplifting but honestly this shit deserves to be stolen, it sucks!

the irony is that i got a blind box anyway because they’re $5 and i figured whoever is inside i’ll use as my next custom. and i got the rare one on my first try. but i don’t even like it.

paperghost

I don't write much anymore, but here's the page I said was due today:

I Got a Letter From the President?!

A humorous and somber reflection of a funny childhood anecdote, and part of history.

(If any politically savvy types are wondering why I didn't cover the Whitewater controversy, it's because I had enough on my plate when it came to research and fact-checking.)

I also published a shitpost. Third and fourth draft are still in progress, and the promised review won't happen until whenever it actually airs.

paperghost

So, I'm doing some last final research on an article I'm writing, and I just now discovered Dan Quayle's website? The layout is peak Web 1.0, but really charming. He may not have been a good Vice President from what I've read, but I guess I can hand him this...

paperghost

I lost interest in actively working on my site, but out of nowhere I have 3 drafts. One is my three year retrospective that I'm struggling with the end of. Second is a personal experience I have with one of our former Presidents, and it's due on the 26th. Third is a work of fiction. The order these will be published in will likely be Two -> Three -> One, but my main priority is the one due on Friday. It's pretty funny and somber due to the subject, I hope people like it.

I also promised that I would write a follow-up review for Hazbin Hotel season 2, which I am planning on doing. It just depends on my work schedule. Season 2 drops near the end of October, and I have convention lined up the week after that in November. I decided that I'm going to go out of the house at least once a month, and I'm not staying home in October to pirate Hazbin fucking Hotel (no offense). So my outing will ideally be early or mid-October. Hopefully work doesn't fuck me over.

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Reading

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Ryoji / Moonlight Bridge trio go brrrrr

Puri rambles about Espio on Discord because a BlueSky thread is too small to handle it.

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I Got a Letter From the President?

I Got a Letter From the President?!

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